some positive reinforcements!

 

" 'Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we subconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

got a dvd copy of if only and saw it last night.  cried a bucket of tears.  the thing is, the movie really saddened me, not because of the ending but because the guy had only one day where in he experienced what it is to love another...  that for me was the tragic part, and not when he died.  i mean all that time with his girlfriend, he learned how to love for only one day... 

i hope that its true, i hope that i havent been replaced...  thanks to E!  you know who you are!  love that line - love without limits...

they say that there is  time and reason for things...  maybe this is so, but i also believe in keeping friendships at the very least.  maybe, not everyone is here to stay...  i am deeply saddened by the fact that M and i are no longer friends...  it saddens me because, we were once planning a lifetime but now not only is the lifetime gone but so has the friendship.  i go through life knowing that it is a risk.  we gamble everyday...  i also know that in life, you win some, you lose some but it doesnt make me bitter or hard... when things were starting with M and i, i was in such a dilema because of my situation but i risked everything for him to try to see where it would lead to...  forever you one said, but where's forever now.  im not bitter that its not us in the end, im sad by your inability to be so shallow and to let your anger get in the way of what was once a good friendship that we had shared.  you once said to me, "no matter what happens, you will always be special."  right now, i have already forgiven you for what you did and if i had it my way, i'd let bygones be bygones and keep our friendship, but life doesnt always go my way...  i know that when we started, things were not at the best situation for us to get together but somewhere along the way, i made the path right but we never got together...  somewhere along that way, i remember everything we shared, everything we agreed upon and i remember that you once loved me...  that is the greatest memory i have.  so to you, M, i am not bitter about things not working out between us... maybe thats the way it was meant to be...  i have no regrets...  too bad though coz the lifetime that you had wanted could have happened, we could have shared that great friendship for life...  but you let your immaturity get in the way of it...  such a waste...

to M, this is for you!  im glad to see the truth, it always comes out.  you'll never find another one like me!!!  now its time to move on!!!
"When you lose someone... and you think you were the one who loved most, between
the two of you... he lost more. For someday you can love someone the way that you loved him...But he will never be loved again the way that you did."

its funny what life brings, thats a line that i always use...  coz its true...  its funny how my life has turned out to be from who i am as a child, as a teenager, and now as an adult...  this year will be one hell of a challenge...  not yet mid way through the year and so many things have happened.  i think that my growth for the first few months of this year can be summed up to a whole years growth.  to think were only on the fourth month!  woohoo boy!  what a year its going to be!  

spoke to a friend last night.  we haven't really really been in touch as much as i have wanted but some things are beyond my control.  i realized that last night was going to be one of the last conversations we are ever going to have.  im happy that he has found his happiness and that he is settling down but it saddens me to know that i'll be loosing a friend.  maybe i wont be loosing a friend but what good is it if he isnt allowed to talk to be, even for a harmless conversation, friend to a friend.  its just sad.   there's nothing that i can and and that he can do.  we both agreed to this but i never thought that it would actually happened.  you see, his soon to be wife doesnt really  want him to get in touch with me.  it sucks but so is life...  then again, if i look at is as how things have turned out, we'll never really know whats going to happen.  maybe, just maybe, its gonna be different.  so to you P, good look and i wish you all the best.  im gonna miss our drinks and our conversations!
 

let me end this with Closing Cycles by Paolo Cohelo

One always has to know when a stage comes to and end.  If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through. 
Closing cyckes, shutting doors, ending chapters, whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of tlife that have finished. Did you lose your job?  Has a loving relationship come to an end?  Did you leave your parents' house?  Gone to live abroad?  Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden?  You can spend time wondering why this has happened.  You can tell yourself you won't take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that.  But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved:  your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.  None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the tings that happen to us.  What has passed will not return:  we cannot forever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive and affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back.  Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.  That is why it is so important (however painful it maybe!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home.  Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts and getting rid of certain memories also means making some roon for other memories to take their place.  Let things go.  Release them.  Detach yourself form them.  Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose.  Do not expect anything in return, do nt expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood.  Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss:  that is only poisoning you, nothing else.  Nothin is more dangerous that not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised byt there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for their ideal moment.  Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished:  tell yourself that what has passed will never come back.  Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person.  Nothing is irreplaceable.  A habit is not a need.  This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.  Closing cycles, not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life.  Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust.  Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.

there was a good line the movie hitch that says:  life is not about every breath you take, its the moments that take your breath away....  is it just the moments...  what happens when the moment is over...  i think the problem is that sometimes all we have are moments and nothing but the memories of these that we are hanging on to...

how do you start to let go... how do you start the process of goodbye if you were not yet ready to leave...  where did it all go...  where did the moments go...  was it nothing to you???  at one point in time, i thought that i met the right person... the one that could make me grow...  i had wanted to give up something important for you...  but right now i feel like it was  a dream...  the laughter shared, the daily messages we'd send each other...  the stories shared...  the wanting to hang out so that we could be together...where did it all go....  where did you go...  you may be there but YOU are not there...  this is why we cant live on moments alone because these moments give us hope and sometimes we get blinded and when reality sets in, it leaves us hurting...  so once again, how do i start the process of goodbye...

all my life, i have been wanting to be with the right one and now that he comes along, i have this overwhelming fear...  fear of what?  i dont really know but i know that im afraid...  why?  its funny how i cant seem to take that leap for the right one???  life is full of surprises, twists and turns, ups and downs...  over the past few months (actually at the start of this year) i have seem myself morphing into a different person, more of a woman...  i know myself more...  and slowly im letting go of all of my unfounded fears and am starting to reach out to what i want...  its not easy to step out of my box but im taking it one step at a time, day by day...  now i know that in this life, all we really have is ourselves...  whatever makes us happy, go for it!  like what cielo told me, dont be bothered by things beyond your control, whats the point right?!?!?  at the start of this year, a very special person walked in my life and i am so thankful for that... what i was expecting to be play turned out to be more -- life changing in fact...  i am in a situation right now that i am not proud of, i cant say that its right, slowly im trying to correct things...  its not right but i think that i need (needed) this to grow and what growth it was...  all i can say right now is that we only have ourselves and lets not be afraid of the things that will make you happy...  lets not look too much into the future coz today has its own problems... just enjoy what we have right now...  at least one day we can look back and say, i had that...  rather than i didnt have it... or i let it pass me by, why?  because we were scared!??!  not worth it...  right now im living by the day and hoping that what i picture in my head will become my reality...

I dont really know if you guys kjnow this song.  if you have heard it - great!  but if not, i suggest try to download this song!
 
IF I Were You (candee jay)

If I were you
I would never let me go
If I were you
I would always love me so
If I were you

I can't play your part in life
but I would surely walk my way
I cannot think the way you think
But I would never go away

You can trust me when I say
That I will always be for real
You can always count on me
No matter how alone you feel

If I were you
I would never let me go
If I were you
I would always love me so
If I were you

I would never..
I would always..

I can't tell you what to do
I can only hope for more
More decisions to be good
Like the way they were before

I can't dream the things you dream
'Cause I would not know where to start
Life is never what it seems
When two souls are far apart

I don't wanna know
How it feels to lose a friend
And if I were you
I would never leave again

If I were you
I would never let me go
If I were you
I would always love me so
If I were you

last night, i went to a birthday party of a good friend.  it was all about women empowerment.  this year has again shown me the incredible strength that i have that even i never thought i had it in me...  although things arent as rosy as they should be, im learning to take things one day at a time...  and in this lifetime that we are given, its all about us... yes, it maybe selfish but lets not live our lives according to the expecations of other people, we live it for ourselves and try to have no regrets...  as what my friend said, when your down, there's no where to go but up! day by day, im learning, living and not looking back with regrets...  i can only wish for things to get better and for clarity to come by me.   the first time i heard the song above, i knew that it was my song...  infact, it should be everyone's song...  we should know what we deserve and never settle for less...  if there is something i have learned from M2, its living life day by day...  live life like you mean it...  we may not have tomorrow...